Dear Recruiters

I get a recruiter a day calling me or sending me emails. Most find me via Google it seems. Some from company databases populated by what I can only assume are consummate professionals. And others are probably trolling LinkedIn and the like. 

Every so often I get an email like this:

Hi ,
1)Please go thru the following req and send me your updated resume
2) Please send me your best all-inclusive rate per hour on C2C (al)
3) Please send me the following details
Current location :
Availability :

This is probably the worst possible was to strike up a conversation. I don't waste time responding to requests like this because:

 1.) they can't afford me
 2.) the recruiter is an ass!

Because of these two factors my response was short and sweet:


1.) don't bother contacting me again
2.) look for a new line of work
3.) brush up on your people skills


Now this may sound dickish, but how dickish is asking me to waste my time to bid on a contract I don't have time for so he can make a quick buck?

Some times the recruiters are sweet, but not aware of who they are asking to apply for a job:

Hi David,

I hope you are well.  I would love to talk to you about the opportunity I have listed below.  It looks like you have a strong skillset and I know you will love this organization.  They have a fantastic team and are financially stable and growing.

Please take a look and let me know the best time to reach you

And this is a perfect pitch. The recruiter is upbeat, she sells her client, and doesn't press me for details.   And as a matter of fact She was 100% right. My response was equally up beat:

Hi ???,

I'd ask you to arrange a call with ???? ?????????, but he sits right next to me, and it's too much of a hassle to pick up the phone.  Say hi to ???. 

David J Goehrig
VP of New Products @ Company in Question

I would love the team since I already worked there and help write the job description she was recruiting for! While they were 100% on target with their hiring search and a great recruiting firm (kinda obvious since we hired them), they are only as good as their database. 

Now if you are an IOS/Android/Ruby/Javascript developer with big data, game design, and online  video expertise.  I have a database of about 200 recruiters who are looking for you. 

If you are a recruiter, I'm sorry if you haven't gotten a call back, but I really don't have the time. 

PS. My best C2C for a 3-6 mo project is a flat $500,000. My location is 60% NYC, 40% Buffalo, 95% remote for you.  My availability is flexible based on 50% up front payment, and the remainder on 2 week intervals.  If your client can't afford that don't call.